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news for wal-mart, not wal-mart big but big. and then animals respond to advertising. you know what they say? leg humping sells. [laughter] and my guest alexandra pelosi made a documentary about immigrants becoming u.s. citizens. i'm going to watch it backwards and make them all leave the country. [laughter] the pope wrote his first tweet today. he is truly the vessel through which god wastes time. [laughter] this is "the colbert report." ["the colbert repor captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( applause ) [cheers and applause] >> stephen: thank you very much. very kind. [cheers and applause] welcome to the report, everybody. thank you for joining us. [cheers and applause] thank you so much. [cheers and applause] thank you, very kind. nation -- [cheers and applause] i don't know actually -- thank you, please, please. please -- i have to -- i don't honestly know why i fight you. i like it more than talking. nation, as an american, i demand choice! whether it's 23 flavors of pringles or eight republican p
news for wal-mart, not wal-mart big but big. and then animals respond to advertising. you know what they say? leg humping sells. [laughter] and my guest alexandra pelosi made a documentary about immigrants becoming u.s. citizens. i'm going to watch it backwards and make them all leave the country. [laughter] the pope wrote his first tweet today. he is truly the vessel through which god wastes time. [laughter] this is "the colbert report." ["the colbert repor captioning sponsored...
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that's a big mistake. no retreat, nor is rounder. -- surrender. it's day one. don't show weakness. what on earth are you apologizing for. all you said is you have the same spirit as john wayne gacy and there's something to that because like gacy people might think you are a clown but if they dig a little deeper they'll find you are deadly serious. come on, you are a republican. you don't stumble on facts. you double down. in the only doll you have the spirit of john wayne gacy, you've got the eyes of a young charles manson. [cheers and applause] nation, class action lawsuits are so destructive to our country. they crippled our nation's once thriving asbestos industry. now those pour asbestos ranchers are out of work. and they needed those jobs they have a lot of medical bills to pay. there's a new go liage under assault from a gang of blood thirsty davids and it brings us to tonight's word: too big to nail. wal-mart faces a class action lawsuit from 1.5 million female employees alleging years of gender discrimination. according to the plaintiffs, women make up 70% of wal-mart's hou
that's a big mistake. no retreat, nor is rounder. -- surrender. it's day one. don't show weakness. what on earth are you apologizing for. all you said is you have the same spirit as john wayne gacy and there's something to that because like gacy people might think you are a clown but if they dig a little deeper they'll find you are deadly serious. come on, you are a republican. you don't stumble on facts. you double down. in the only doll you have the spirit of john wayne gacy, you've got the...
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i will not listen to the special interests with the big checks. i will listen-- (applause) i will listen to americans with $100, $5 or zero dollars who have an idea about how to build a better country. i will not put up with the special interests. i call them hogs in the trov and we're going to kick them out. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: all right. hogs in the trough. i happen to love the taste of bacon and they're welcome to my tr rock ugh any time. okay what would a president buddy, and i have to say, that's got a ring to it what does a president buddy do about the debt ceiling? do you let it laps? >> no, you meet your obligations. i mean the president ought to tell the world that we're going to meet our obligations. and he needs to lead. one of the jobs of a president is to protect america, including its workforce. and we are getting beat up by unfair trade. you know that. >> stephen: i do know that. sometimes i do ten shows a week, four of them broadcast, the other six shipped over to india. (laughter) >> stephen: okay. we have to take a
i will not listen to the special interests with the big checks. i will listen-- (applause) i will listen to americans with $100, $5 or zero dollars who have an idea about how to build a better country. i will not put up with the special interests. i call them hogs in the trov and we're going to kick them out. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: all right. hogs in the trough. i happen to love the taste of bacon and they're welcome to my tr rock ugh any time. okay what would a president...
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those girls and some big ol' boobs, right? - yeah, yeah, they did. - you got me back, and i'm back. - hey! guys! what part of irwindale renaissance pleasure faire sounds like a joke to you guys? huh? okay, look. i want you guys to start acting your age!
those girls and some big ol' boobs, right? - yeah, yeah, they did. - you got me back, and i'm back. - hey! guys! what part of irwindale renaissance pleasure faire sounds like a joke to you guys? huh? okay, look. i want you guys to start acting your age!